Gonna rush this post. Hope I'll finish blogging by 8pm.
Today, 21/12/12, this morning , 11.33 am , i realised , i found out ... that...
I felt sad. Felt lonely. Felt alone. Felt weird. Felt.. idk.. mixed feelings.
I realised that im actually being quite a loner... im like always leading a boring lifestyle and stuffs..
Was supposed to go Tamp to purchase a prezzie for my mum with Fel dear. She cmi at the very last minute.. couldn't blame her though, at least she tried a very best. So i was like, uhm... stunned and dk what to do. felt so confusing at tat moment... i really really wanna go out and all. So i went to take a look at my phone contact, to see if i can ask anybody out instead, so i called like almost all the girls i can find, and they all didnt answer my call... ok luh, i only called 3 girls cos my contact only has 3 ppl that i think will be able to make it. But ended up.... or maybe its cos my phone contact has less people...
But right at that moment, i felt despair, i was desperate, i felt annoyed, confused, i just felt like flunking everything and all... idk why.... i felt lonely...
Have u ever felt so lonely that when u look into ur friendlist, or by using ur brain, u tried hard to think of a person whom u can ask out. NO, NOT EVEN ONE I CAN THINK OF. NOT EVEN ONE I CAN ASK OUT. NOT EVEN ONE I CAN FIND. pathetic aint I?
I thought to myself.. what have i been doing for the past two years? like... idk.. apart from my cliques, i only talk to my classmates ( i dont hang out with them). yes, we're bonded and stuffs.. but we dont really... idk... i... knvm. Cont . and my dearies , mainly those few boys from st pats hur. yes we do meet out and stuffs , theyre awesome ppl too. but ... although we're close, they still dont belong to my circle of frens in sch.. so yeap. And i always have this feeling that those ppl in my school, they dislike me. idk why. maybe i think too much hur.
So yeap... move on..
Next year, i'll be greeted by a new group of classmates, new environment and stuffs... yknow when the class list was out, i felt so... mixed feelings.. yes again. i dont even feel like bonding with them and so, tbh, the only thing i felt relieved was that i still have Nian , Georgie , Shijia , Doreen and Marcus with me. like these are the few ppl i think i will only be talking to.... i felt so sian ok. And i bet those ppl that saw my name on the class list, they're like 'oh god.. why is she in our classs? sian.' imma trying not to have negative thoughts, but after those stuffs that happened for the past two years, i.. really have no comments.. ok nvm.
Cont. yknow , i kinda felt grateful and stuffs, like although im sucha fucked up person, theres still ppl who will always be thr for me and all.... like yeah.. thrs still ppl who likes me, appreciate me, ppl who tolerate my annoying and nonsensical nonsense. Not many, but imma con-tempted alr.
Yknow how much i wished for / i wished and hope that Augustine, Nich , Nic , Eken and many more are in my school, like my life wont be so... idk how to describe .... but yeah, theyre awesome, why cant they be in my sch? Whenever i hear auggie talking bout his classmates and all, i'll feel jealous... like.. omg... so fun... :| i want that kind of school life!
so well, i guessed that i'll be idling away for the next two years then?
Ytd, i did sth meaningful , well at least to me...
They say the world will / might end today, so yeap . being kanchiong and stuffs, i went to write 21 letters too all of my close frens. i didnt write for all, ( a very big sorry for gwy and megabangs clique friends cos i didnt include yall ) so i only wrote to those whom i felt that i will really really die with big regrets if i did not tell them my last words / how much they meant to me . Those peeps include ; All peeps from 'Awesome Dearies' whatsapp grp, (Nian, Marc , Augustine , Shawn , Clemeny , Cheryl) , my awesome 'family' ,(junzhen , alex , Felix) , my ultimate bffffffffffff (Christ , Fel) , dearies (Nic , Nich , Brandy, Ekiu , Lim) awesome blackshot mates too! , and lastly, ken rahul 'daniel' and jseow. Those few peeps that ive been talking to recently. Really really dont wanna lose them uh , nicee nicee people.
I felt really good after reading those replies from them. I felt appreciated, felt acknowledged when they said 'Hey Dearie, right back at you' haha really :') thanks all (: and for those that assured me saying the world wont end.. i mean, who know whether it will be ending..
so its like 8++ alr, and imma late . join me and @ Lovelife by watching this video and spread the love (:
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